What Happened to My Girlfriend? And Other Key Sex Questions

For the last couple months The New Indian Express has been publishing a column called "(Queer)ies: Your Personal Sex Advice Kiosk" in the Saturday supplement Zeitgeist. It's India's first serious sex advice column (that I'm aware of, anyway) and adds a few raised eyebrows to the national discourse on intercourse. The column in the paper is edited down for content, but the archive online is raw, uncut and uncensored. Which is to say, much more fun to read.

And who is behind this, you ask? Why none other than my fabulous roommate Padma, founder of the Shakti Center and all around marauding killer bee in high lace-up boots. A couple weeks ago, a question she answered about women masturbating drew the ire of readers from across South India. Funnily enough, the same question about men masturbating went unchallenged. Coincidence, or conspiracy? You decide.

I am a 19-year-old girl. Madam, I am addicted to masturbation twice in a week. I don’t know whether is it good or not, but it is uncontrollable. Will this affect my health?
–Is This Weird?

Twice a week?! Frankly, I don’t think you’re masturbating enough. Masturbation is a very empowering sexual act: it can help you become better attuned to your body, your desires, and your fantasies, and all in a safe and non-threatening way. Get in there, get busy, and stop worrying about it. And no, masturbation will not affect your health. [link]

The response to this by a "doctor", is simply smashing. Check it out.

The Shakti Center talks about Sex

Sex is taboo in Chennai. Like any place in the world everyone here is having sex (well most people, anyway) but to admit it out loud makes people angry. A couple years ago the actress Kushboo said that unmarried women should have access to birth control and get occasional AIDS tests and was attacked by local politicos for "dishonoring tamil women". And let's not even get started about homosexuality. When sun goes down Marina and Elliots beaches turn into brothels and married men cruise for sex in just about every public park. But the next day no one says a word. But that could change.

The Shakti Center is addressing rift between what people talk about, and what goes on behind doors. The group's philosophy is simple: provide a space for people to talk about sex in the city and things will start to get better. To do that Shakti has a lot of projects in the works. There are host free weekly films--ranging from Tamil flicks to the latest Quentin Tarrantino release--followed by discussion groups. They also run sex-ed curriculums in local schools, have a blog, a zine, and resources for people to use to develop other dialog fostering projects. They're open to anything that will get people talking. Eventually the blog will become a repository for stories from local people to voice their own experiences negotiating the rough cultural waters around sexuality and gender.

Padma Govindan, my wife, is a founding member of the group and is eagerly looking for other people to come in and help out. Just about everyone in Chennai has a story about coming to terms with their own sexuality. There are strong opinions about who should and should not be having sex and what it means to be gay (or transgender) in a city that won't think out of a straight box.

If enough people get talking, maybe the next time someone like Kushboo suggests people should use condoms people will listen rather than threaten to throw her in jail.

For more information about the Shakti Center, or to get involved, go to the website http://www.shakticenter.org